Dear New Mother,
It takes your breath away, doesn’t it? You knew it would. You knew it would change, well, everything, but you didn’t know it would rock you to your very core quite as shockingly as it has, did you? I didn’t either. None of us did.
We read every baby book we could lay our hands on and listened to all the advice being thrown at us from every direction; some delivered with love and good meaning, and others, sadly, delivered under the misconception that sharing a traumatic birth story would better prepare us for ‘reality’. We set up a room for our baby in peaceful, warm tones and imagined planting butterfly kisses on a tiny forehead and whispering ‘Goodnight’ as we turned on the gentle glow of the night light and quietly closed the door, leaving it slightly ajar, then snuggling, complete and happy, with our partners into the night. Motherhood looks beautiful, and we look beautiful doing it.
We felt prepared. We felt ready.
The reality was so very different, wasn’t it? The raw reality of surrendering to birth shocks, regardless of how prepared we thought we were. Did you have the birth you dreamed of? Did you have a voice in your baby’s birth? To my sisters who had the birth they planned for, I wrap my arms around you with joy. To my sisters left tender and a little broken, dazed as to how their beautiful birth ended so very differently, I wrap my arms around you even tighter.
Your baby is here. Now is the time to start your Mothering story. Now it really begins.
Your body will feel violated. You may look in the mirror in the days after birth and not recognise the woman looking back at you. You will feel soft, tender, emotional, vulnerable. If your birth ended surgically, you’ll have stitches and scars and pain when you stand. You will bleed postpartum and wonder if it will ever stop. Your breasts will be swollen and tender and you’ll leak milk at the mere thought of your baby. You may never have felt such vulnerability before and it may come as quite a shock.
Go gently. Let your body and spirit heal.
Do you remember the day you brought your baby home? How strange it felt to walk into your house, where everything looks exactly as it did when you left it, but somehow everything has changed? What do we do now? Day and night lose all rhythm and the Universe outside your door ceases to exist as you adjust to this new ‘normal’ you find yourself living. Yet the outside seeps in and you find yourself trying to live up to expectations of all the things you should be doing. You feel chained to your baby; feeding, sleeping, changing, but the domestic chores don’t disappear! “I can’t do this”. You’ll say it. More than once probably, as you look at the pile of washing, or stand staring at an empty fridge wondering what you could possibly make for dinner as your baby cries and cries, desperate for the cluster feeds he so needs in the evening.
You walk tracks into your carpet as you do lap after lap of your house with your baby in your arms, trying to help her sleep. You will stand at the door of your baby’s room as she screams, wanting to scream back, “What do you need? You cry when I hold you, you cry when I put you down! I don’t know what to do!” You will be terrified that you’re doing everything wrong.
It will occur to you that to breastfeed a baby 8 to 10 times a day, sometimes for an hour at a time, is the equivalent of a full time job! It’s just one of the many full time jobs you have now. You will live by the clock (until you learn to turn them all to the wall) and you will study and log every second of your baby’s sleeping and feeding. Later, you’ll look at your notebook and laugh at yourself, but now, it’s the only thing keeping you in control……..feeling like you’re in control. You will wonder, “How does anyone do anything with a small baby?” You will feel like everyone has it together except you.
You sit, for the seemingly millionth time today, on the lounge with your baby at your breast, gazing dazed out of the window and wondering how on Earth you are going to survive this. “Everything gets easier after 6 weeks” everyone says. So you grit your teeth, endure the cracked nipples and other realities of a newly birthed body and hang in there until the day dawns on your baby’s 6th week. Perhaps you feel a little less shell shocked. Perhaps your body is beginning to heal. So sure, it’s a little easier, but there is no magic dawning of a day when suddenly you are needed less by this little being.
Slowly, as you become more confident and more able to listen to your instincts and read the needs of your baby, you will begin to relax a little. You will get rid of the books that do nothing but bring stress and doubt into your mothering. You will be able to block out the advice that doesn’t sit well with your soul. There will be, even in the darkest of times, some moments of such pure joy it will seem like a light is shining on you and your little family. The love you feel for you baby will knock the breath out of you at times and you will happily spend hours just gazing into your child’s face.
Your connection is strong.
You will find a support network of other mothers who understand you, who will stand honestly beside you in your journey. When you feel isolated you will find where to turn to discover these mothers and your isolation will ease. You will learn to surrender to the ever changing, always fluid, life of a mother.
But still, there will be things that, when they are happening, feel like they will go on for an eternity. Looking back, you’ll see that they were but a blink of an eye, but when you are sleep deprived and desperate you will feel like you will never sleep again. You will spend hours online looking for answers, to find out when other people’s babies slept, when they slept all by themselves. You don’t think you can survive being needed by your child so many times a night for the next 4 or 5 years.
But you will.
When, one bedtime, your child, secure in his attachment and love within his family, curls up in his own bed, pulls the covers up to his little chin and says “Goodnight Mummy, you can go now.” you will be rendered speechless for a moment. Then you’ll lean over, plant a little butterfly kiss on his forehead, whisper “Goodnight”, turn on the night light and walk out of his room. All will be peaceful. You will feel a pang, a pull on your heart strings that your baby is growing up. All the late nights, all the co-sleeping and breastfeeding, all the every 20 minute night waking, all the frustration and worry about sleep will, for that night anyway, be over.
Motherhood will look beautiful, and you’ll look beautiful doing it.
Until then, know that you are walking a path left by all the mothers before you and that the endless rocking, swaying, singing (and sobbing), and sleepless nights are a Universal truth for all Mothers. Even when you are feeling lonely, you will never be alone. We are standing beside you every step of the way.
Love, Me. xx
This lovely guest blog is by Karen Swan.
73 comments on “Dear new mother…. from Karen”
Touched
Wow. This was so beautiful and so, so, so true. Thank you…. brought (yet another) tear to my eye 🙂
Charmaine
So many years apart, and many miles, yet still our experiences have a similar feel. I feel your sisterhood in your beautiful words. Thankyou xx
Bridget
my baby is only 4 months and so much of this resonated. I am in tears at the section where they will say goodnight mummy you can go now. It broke my heart. I’ve never really thought that far ahead in those terms that there will be a time when she doesn’t need me and won’t gaze adoringly at me most of the day. Ill have sleep back, but what I’ll be missing is worth so much more.
Kat
Wonderful read. Just what I needed to hear 🙂
Sarah
Tears! After a weekend from hell with my toddler who won’t let me put him down even for 5 minutes and a husband who did nothing to help, this brought me to tears. Thank you for writing these beautiful words that are so incredibly true and comforting xx
Vera
Sarah…. I’m with you. I’ve had a difficult week and still going and a partner who does nothing to help. We women are amazing at what we put up with and how much . As I keep trying to tell myself, this too will pass. Thank you Pinky, tears I needed to release
Sus
That felt like you were writing to me, every single word resonated so much. Ultimately, motherhood is a awesome privilege but so utterly exhausting and relentless…I feel physically broken today (6 months in and on baby #2), so thank you for that reminder of what a precious time this is.
Charlotte
Couldn’t be put more perfectly!
I cried it’s so true! It’s so hard in the beginning and then you just get confidence slowly and say stuff everyone’s tips and tricks and stuff the time and stuff books. I know what I’m doing now.
I wish I savoured days where my baby would sleep cry and feed. It goes way to quickly to say I can’t wait until….
Charlotte
Couldn’t be put more perfectly!
I cried it’s so true! It’s so hard in the beginning and then you just get confidence slowly and say stuff everyone’s tips and tricks and stuff the time and stuff books. I know what I’m doing now, and I did all along. Only me and my husband truely know our baby!
I wish I savoured days where my baby would sleep cry and feed. It goes way to quickly to say I can’t wait until….
Elisha
I am sitting here with my beautiful 2 week old son sleeping in my arms, feeling such overwhelming feelings of love and exhaustion, and this article completely resonated. Some days I feel like I will always feel this sore, leaky, emotional and exhausted… and then I look at his little face and could cry with how strong my love is. Thank you for this article, I really needed it!
RJ
Simply beautiful! Brought tears to my eyes too. I can’t believe how quickly my tiny baby girl is growing up!
Dana
My friend is getting ready to have a baby and I just had to help her decorate the nursery. I bought her wall decals from http://goo.gl/ty3U4v and she loved them. It really makes the room look so much better.
Karin
Oh my. This. My life in words. We’re 10 months in, very much in the thick of it. The hope of the butterfly kiss moment is all that keeps me going, that and the purest love I’ve ever known.
Bel
Thank you so much for this post… I had my baby girl almost 4 weeks ago & reading this was incredibly helpful & cathartic for me. And teary!
Leah
“Your connection is strong.” What about when it isn’t? For some of us that takes a long time. For some it takes a really long time. I feel excluded and a failure reading this article.
Lisa
Don’t feel a failure, you’ve just done the most amazing thing growing and bringing a baby into this world. Your journey of experiences are endless. Have no expectation of what will come -or how you ‘should’ feel. .. just let what happens happens, day by day. This will help you accept these new experience/feelings. No expectation. .. no disappointment.
Lauren
Sometimes the connection takes awhile to develop. I know some people who felt it instantly but that wasn’t me. For me it took awhile to grow and to get over the reality shock of being a mother as I had no idea what to expect. If you are ever worried talk to your GP or family health nurse.
Lisa
I wish I was how I am now with baby 2, relaxed and calm, when baby 1 arrived. The difference is day and night between these two experiences. .. All New mums out there, there’s truth in how baby can sense our stress . This letter sounds very familiar to me, but not now with my second son. Losing a sense of control tips our world upside down with the first born, but going with the flow (have no expectations) helps make readjusting easier. ‘Calm’ is the word of like to tell my younger self, it all is ok.
Brianna
I love everything about this – except for this, I call BS on this, because for some of us it never happens and the isolation is relentlessly real: “You will find a support network of other mothers who understand you, who will stand honestly beside you in your journey. When you feel isolated you will find where to turn to discover these mothers and your isolation will ease. You will learn to surrender to the ever changing, always fluid, life of a mother.”
sam
Ive read a lot of posts about this after I already went thru it and already spent time just listening to her cry because I was to frustrated to hold her and having my in-laws come in to make sure she’s okay….. the thing no one warns new moms about is at times itll feel like your husband is worthless because he doesnt have to get up with the baby or anything he just goes to work and comes home and all is peaceful and for a while you’ll wonder when you get to be a person again if you’ll get to be a person again everyone asks how’s the husband how’s his job how’s he taking having the baby around how’s the baby how’s the baby is she eating enough and ask many other things but absolutely no one looks at you and asks how you are if you’re sleeping enough eating enough anything
Lauren
I agree I would hate hearing the door close when my husband went to work. The hours till he was home would feel so long. I felt chained to breastfeeding which would take an hour then baby would be due for a nap and would only catnap. During this time I had to run around getting food and drink and try to sleep before baby woke up. All I wanted was for someone to make me a cup of tea and make me some food as I felt so drained caring non stop for a little baby… But it hardly happened!
Sarah
This couldn’t be any better timed. I’ve just spent the last few hours in deep depression and overwhelm, feeling completely alone and unsupported. It’s not true at all, my husband does and will always support me, the problem is I’m so busy doing seemingly everything, I forget to actually ask for help. For some reason I expect that he “should” know what needs to be done, he “should” just do it without needing to be asked. Then when he doesn’t just get up and do stuff I huff and I puff and I blow the house down with expectation and disappointment.
I gently spoke up today…he got it. He gets how I feel now and knows that I’m not working to be superwoman, at the moment I’m just working to survive. I went out for a long, slow walk and let the ocean breeze wash over me. Then I came home and had a bath and while I was taking some seriously needed me time, he did all the jobs. I got to sit and cuddle my girl right before he tucked her into bed for the night. I thanked him for his help and gently reminded him that I need it more often. He gets it.
I’m on my way out of this funk and I feel those sisterly arms wrapped tight around me in love and support. Received with love, thank you.
SEO Freelancer Surrey
SEO Consultant in Surrey
Fence contractor Tauranga
Made to measure curtains… […]check out the sites listed below, worth a read for interiors and rugs enthusiastsFence builder Tauranga
https://markboultondesign.com/the-imperative-for-digital-marketing-consultancy-in-your-business-strategy/
When a blind man bears the standard pity those who follow…. Where ignorance is bliss ‘tis folly to be wise….https://alltopstartups.com/2024/02/14/the-roi-of-expertise-how-digital-marketing-consultancy-boosts-your-bottom-line/
https://www.europeanbusinessreview.com/digital-marketing-consultancys-guide-to-seo-adapting-strategies-for-the-uk-market/
Aw, this was a really nice post. In thought I would like to place in writing in this way moreover – taking time and actual effort to create a very good article… but what / things I say… I procrastinate alot and also no indicates apparently get something done.OpenAI
百家樂
I’m curious to find out what blog system you’re utilizing? I’m experiencing some minor security issues with my latest site and I would like to find something more safe. Do you have any suggestions?|
Fencing Christchurch
This information is magnificent. I understand and respect your clear-cut points. I am impressed with your writing style and how well you express your thoughts.Fence contractor Christchurch
Fence contractor Wellington
I love your wp format, where did you get a hold of it?Wellington fences
bokep sma
Absolutely pent subject matter, appreciate it for selective information .video porno
Invisible dog fence
Hey, you used to write wonderful, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your tremendous writings. Past few posts are just a little out of track! come on!Dog fence NZ
sex
I’d have to examine with you here. Which isn’t one thing I often do! I take pleasure in studying a submit that can make folks think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to comment!sex bao luc
sex việt
Aw, this was the actually quality publish. In theory Let me create like this as well??§o? spending time as well as actual effort to make a great post! however so what can I say! We procrastinate a lot and in no way seem to obtain some thing carried out.sex tour
useful link
When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Appreciate it!these details
see more
Here are a few aspects to consider when engaging in or analyzing value comments:
Betting
Do you people have a myspace fan webpage? I looked for for one on facebook or myspace but couldn’t discover it, I would love to become a fan!Casino
Fiverr SEO
The article posted was very informative and useful. You people are doing a great job. Keep going.do follow backlink
damangamesonline
Hi, i think that i saw you visited my site so i came to “return the favor”.I’m attempting to find things to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!|
gay porn
I don’t know whether it’s just me or if everyone else encountering issues with your website. It seems like some of the text in your posts are running off the screen. Can somebody else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them too? This may be a problem with my web browser because I’ve had this happen before. Kudos|
Sex
Porn site
bokep smp
Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam comments? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any assistance is very much appreciated.video porno
sex gay
For instance, generate suppliers have worked with the Meals & Drug Administration (FDA) to make confident that the industry requirements created outcome in the most effective and most successful processes. And to communicate any public announcements, the sector has formulated relationships with associations like the Nationwide Grocer’s Association (NGA).young boy
bokep indoxxi
I’ve already been examinating away some of your tales and it is pretty excellent things. I’ll certainly bookmark your own blog.bokep abg
situs porno
actually, it is not a good idea to buy refurbished computers coz the price of brand new computers is so low”situs bokep
bokep sma
Aw, this was the actually quality publish. In theory Let me create like this as well??§o? spending time as well as actual effort to make a great post! however so what can I say! We procrastinate a lot and in no way seem to obtain some thing carried out.bokep smp
sex 68
For instance, generate suppliers have worked with the Meals & Drug Administration (FDA) to make confident that the industry requirements created outcome in the most effective and most successful processes. And to communicate any public announcements, the sector has formulated relationships with associations like the Nationwide Grocer’s Association (NGA).sex au dam
배팅룸
Hello to all, how is the whole thing, I think every one is getting more from this web page, and your views are pleasant in favor of new visitors.|
sex film
I am just commenting to make you be aware of what a brilliant encounter my friend’s girl enjoyed studying your web site. She noticed several things, including what it’s like to have an ideal coaching style to have men and women with no trouble master a variety of complicated subject areas. You undoubtedly did more than readers’ expectations. Thank you for distributing these warm and friendly, dependable, edifying and unique guidance on that topic to Ethel.sex
bokep jepang
i am very picky about baby toys, so i always choose the best ones`bokep jepang
bokep hijab
You lost me, friend. What i’m saying is, I imagine I am what youre saying. I am aware what you’re saying, however, you just appear to have forgotten that might be another folks inside the world who view this issue for which it truly is and may even perhaps not go along with you. You may well be turning away many people that may have been lovers of your website.film porno
situs bokep
I really like your wp web template, wherever do you get a hold of it through?bokep viral
best online pet pharmacy
[url=http://happyfamilymedicalstore.online/]best canadian pharmacy no prescription[/url]
bokep indoxxi
Hi there! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to
look it over. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting
this to my followers! Terrific blog and superb design and style.
download twitter video
omg! can’t imagine how fast time pass, after August, ber months time already and Setempber is the first Christmas season in my place, I really love it!download twitter video
situs bokep
The article posted was very informative and useful. You people are doing a great job. Keep going.bokep jepang
link bokep
Immigration Lawyers… […]the time to read or visit the content or sites we have linked to below thevideo porno
bokep indo
Good job on this article! I really like how you presented your facts and how you made it interesting and easy to understand. Thank you.bokep abg
online pharmacy viagra
[url=https://bestmedsx.online/]overseas pharmacy no prescription[/url]
sex news
Hey there, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues.
When I look at your website in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, fantastic blog!
Tree Care NZ
It’s a good shame you don’t contain a give money button! I’d definitely give money for this fantastic webpage! That i suppose for the time being i’ll be satisfied bookmarking together with including an individual’s Feed that will my best Msn balance. That i appearance forward that will recent messages and definitely will share the web site utilizing my best Facebook or twitter team: )Tree Removal NZ
kontol kuda
http://belezaquefazsentido.com.br/polka-dots/?replytocom=391742
bokep jepang
I am really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog.
Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?
Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to see a nice blog
like this one these days.
에볼루션 바카라
Its not my first time to pay a visit this site, i am visiting this web site dailly and obtain nice data from here all the time.|
situs porno
I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
It is pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all site owners and bloggers made
good content as you did, the web will be much more useful than ever before.
video porno
Good information. Lucky me I found your site by accident (stumbleupon).
I have saved it for later!
video porno
Really when someone doesn’t understand afterward its up to other users that they will assist, so
here it takes place.
MilaRT
The interactions between free online live adult webcams and viewers can also become very dynamic. For example, you can control a model’s vibrators with cues, encouraging models to get more and more nervous for the next cue.
theviraltimes.co.uk
It’s an awesome article in support of all the internet viewers; they will take advantage from it I am sure.|
indo bokep
I’ve been browsing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never
found any interesting article like yours.
It’s pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all webmasters and bloggers
made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before.
where to buy synthroid online
[url=https://isynthroid.com/]112 mcg synthroid price[/url]
kontol kuda
Hi there, the whole thing is going sound here and ofcourse every one is sharing facts, that’s truly
fine, keep up writing.
video porno
Hmm it looks like your blog ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up
what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the whole
thing. Do you have any tips and hints for beginner blog writers?
I’d genuinely appreciate it.
daman games login
Heya i’m for the first time here. I found this board and I find It really useful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to give something back and aid others like you helped me.|